what's up.

Oh, what a month.

My cousin has been gone almost a month. I'm still not sure if it's completely hit me yet. I won't give too much detail out in the bloggisphere, but he was shot and killed. It was so tragic, so violent, so awful. We're still coping. We will be coping for quite some time. The horrible human beings who did this to him were charged with aggravated robbery and murder one. Hopefully, they'll be in jail forever, never able to do this to another family ever again.

I've been having nightmares ever since. There have been some other family health scares over the past month. My uncle (my cousin's dad) has actually been very sick and in the hospital having major surgery. My grandfather on my mom's side was in the hospital for a week with a failing epiglottis. He was breathing in food and water and got pneumonia from it.

Needless to say, it's been hard. Really hard. Between the nightmares, the stress and pain of losing a close relative, and the complete anxiety of every time the phone rings freaking out thinking that another tragedy has hit me, I'm exhausted. I keep a smile on my face because it's who I am, but I'm beat. Mentally, physically, emotionally beat.

It's been a very tough month.

So, what else...
I'm really liking my new place, although I've been in such a stress-fog that I haven't really taken the time to sit down and enjoy it. Photo stuff has been great, but busy, so the little bit of time I've had to sit, I've been editing. But pictures are my happy place and I love it. The photos I sold for the flood was a huge success! I was able to donate $350 to Hands on Nashville. They sent me a very sweet thank you letter. I was happy to be able to raise a bit of cash to send their way. They're doing such great things.

Cord and I are doing well. I see him, like, never... but I am so in heart with him still. Maybe that's the key? Never see each other and then the little time you do get to spend is valued so much more? We just booked a trip to Chicago for late July. I'm so, so, so excited. The last "vacation" we went on was in August of 2007 to Disney World. We were in such a different place then... we were kids, for sure. Hell, we're still kids! We're staying at the Dana Hotel and Spa downtown Chicago. His bro stayed there recently and said it was amazing. I'm super excited!

My Maryland trip over Memorial day was when we ended up having my cousin's funeral, so the trip was obviously not the trip we had planned for. I hope to get back to MD again this summer to get over to see everyone. I miss home so, so much.

Until next time...

what's been up?

so, what's been up with me, you ask?

Lots of TV.  

New (and some not so new) Shows I'm Into:  (thank YOU DVR!)

• Eastwick - guilty pleasure. i really want to be a witch. 
• Greys, of course.  I don't care if you think I suck.
• Flash Forward.  Some cheesy moments, but I dig.
• The office. duh.
• Community.  Eeeh, but I still watch it.  Dude's hot.
• CURB. If you don't know what I'm talking about, we're no longer friends.
• Bored to Death. Totally my kind of humor.
• Cougar Town.  It's only a half an hour, and that's all I want.
• Project Runway - just because.
• Private Practice (only because last season's finale left me HANGING!)
• HOUSE. Is it me, or is Hugh Laurie SEXY?  No?  Well, I think so.  I think I'm becoming him sometimes!!  I love his attitude.  He says what I wish I could say to people.
• Lie To Me. Just love it.  

So yeah, I'm obviously home every night after either going to the gym, or not going to the gym, and I'm often home alone.....so I am really enjoying having lots to watch.  I'm still pissed that they canceled this show that I was really into, The Listener.   It was GOOD and the guy was CUTE!   I'm kind of in a crushy mood tonight, huh?

Ok, so what else is up? Lots of alone time (no, I have not ended my amazing relationship).  He's just working like mad and I am really trying to not run up a ridiculous credit card bill, so I'm not going out on the weeknights.  At all.  I really don't even miss it.   I enjoy home.  My apartment kicks ass.  It's perfect.  I'm in love.   In love - with my absent boyfriend and in love with my very present apartment.  Apartment, you never fail me!  You are always there! ha.

So.....a little bit of weekend socializing....mostly, unfortunately, due to eight thousand weddings that are happening this fall.  I've literally gone into a bit of debt buying 7000000 wedding gifts this fall.  and i have more to buy yet.....urgh.   I really hope all of these people return the favor when it's my turn.  It's not at all why I go to all of these things, but it makes you wonder if all of these people who you are there for now will be there for you later.  I think I'm a better friend to a lot of people than they are to me, so the verdict is out on that one. 

Let's see....not much else happening! Lots of photo shit happening, which is nice.  No traveling, minimal (very minimal) shopping, but very ready for the holidays.   I am thinking that I will be able to be with my fabulous, insane family for about two weeks!   I can't wait to get away from here for a while.  Even though the weather has been gorgeous these past few days, I'm feeling a bit irritated with the daily grind.  I am ready for a break.   I don't take enough vacation days.  I think that's the issue.  

Other things: the hair is rockin'.  courtney krampf is a GODDESS.  it's blonde, short, choppy, and effortless. just figured i'd give her props because she is the JAM. :)

another thing: cloudy with a chance of meatballs = BEST. MOVIE. EVER.  i laughed my effing ass off!! i don't know what the deal was with it, but it cracked me up.  SEE IT!  in 3D! or real-d, or big-d, or whatever it's called.....

I'm tired. Going to back to my big, indulgent TV.  And my cuddle blanket that my super sweet and absent boyfriend got me because he's never here to give me cuddles in person.....cry.