a few words

angry.

irritated.

frustrated.

exhausted.

hungry (constantly).

open-minded.

educated.

loved.

hurt.

ignored.

overlooked.

fat.

skinny.

nope, fat again.

over-worked.

guilty.

not guilty.

excited.

unmotivated.

lonely.

intelligent.

mature.

poor.

fortunate.

over-stimulated.

under-stimulated.

moving on....

...some words to describe my life over the past few weeks. it's been a month full of ups and downs. i've learned quite a bit about myself and those around me. i'm going through a very transitional time right now. i think i'm finally growing up. when we get older, certain things and their importance begin to shift. (is it bad that I accidentally typed "shit" instead of "shift"?) i'm beginning to realize what is truly important, and what really doesn't mean jack shit.

i miss my family. people who have the option of seeing their loved ones whenever they want don't realize how lucky they are. at least i was brave enough to move 800 miles away from everything that i knew, and i've created a life down here. a damn good life. sometimes i just don't realize how good it is. and i've earned it. i made it happen. no one else.

i've decided i won't let other people have an influence on my happiness any more. only i can foster my own happiness.... why should i rely on other people to make my life happy for me? as my detox bag of tea read this morning: self-reliance conquers any difficulty. that is so true. you can only rely on yourself. screw everyone else. those who truly matter will show you that they matter.

*disclaimer - this is not in any way reflective of my relationship. i'm happier than a clam. i just miss the guy. he works constantly. i feel guilty for making him feel guilty that we never see each other.... so no, this is not about him. it's about me, god damnit.